Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sinking?

Have you ever felt like life wasnt real?  Like you were sleepwalking through life?  Perpetually in a daze, a haze almost.  Fighting against the realities of life and not embracing the choices in front of you.  What to do now?

FLUSH IT!  Flush it all.  Forget about it.  Dont focus on it.  Dont fret about it.  Dont regret it.  Dont waste another single moment.  GET ON WITH LIVING YOUR LIFE!  Do it now.  Embrace everything in your life.  Find joy in your life.  Realize how fortunate you are.  Do not dwell on the past.  It no longer exists.  It is gone.  Learn from it and make sure it never happens again.  Fight for your life.  CONNECT!  Plug into the world.  Get involved.  Make a difference!  Make the world a better place.  FIND JOY and HOPE in everything you do.  It is never too late.  Get out of the fog and plug into the world.  Do it.  Do not delay.  It seems scary.  It seems like it is hard to do.  But it is just a choice.  A choice to change your life for the better.

Get back in the game and out of the stands.  Stop watching the world pass you by.  A lot of people today preoccupy themselves by surfing the internet over and over again, washing themselves away with the sweet, warm glow of the internet.  It is addictive and numbing.  It is America's new addiction.  UNPLUG YOURSELF from Facebook, TMZ, etc and PLUG yourself back into the real world!  Do not let yourself sink!!!

I have never told this story to anyone.  This past summer, I went swimming in a lake with my daughter.  She wanted me to help her swim out to an island.  I thought better of it but I saw another Dad do it and figured I could do it too.  I put her on my back and began swimming across the roughly 40-50 feet of deep water.  I was doing the breast stroke.  Her weight was pushing me down.  I kept coming up after each stroke to get air.  About half way across, I started to tire.  I was not getting enough air.  I started swimming faster.  I had to get my daughter to the other side.  I could not allow her to get hurt, to die.  She was starting to get scared.  I started going under.  I started pulling her hands off my neck.  She grabbed tighter.  She said "Daddy Im getting scared."  I pulled her from my neck, took one last gasp of air, shouted to her in a desperate but firm and deep voice "SWIM TO SHORE" and pushed her toward the island as hard as I could.  I had to make sure she was ok.  My arms were exhausted.  I had swallowed water.  I was going under.  But I HAD to make sure she was ok.  I pushed her as hard as I could.  She started swimming.  I went under.  I thought to myself.  It is amazing that it is exactly like they say...drowning is quieter than you would expect...and I started sinking...thoughts of my other children on the shore, my wife with them, my mom back at her house all went through my head, and I decided I was not going to let myself sink.  I could not do that to them.  I would not let myself die in this lake.  I began to thrash about and claw myself back up to the top.  It was hard.  My arms and legs were exhausted.  I did not have enough air in my body.  I had water in my lungs.  The world was blacking out.  But I could not stand the thought of not making it, of letting my family down.  I refused to just let myself sink.  I REFUSED TO LET MYSELF SINK.  I reached the top.  I saw my daughter climb out of the water onto the shore.  I swam as hard and as fast as I could.  I reached shore.  I could not stand up.  I was beyond exhausted.  I looked at my daughter and realized I should have died.  That I should not be seeing her again.  It was like I was born again.  That I had been given a second chance at life.  That the glimpse was over and that my new life was starting.  I hugged her.  We cried together.  I told her how much I loved her and that I would die for her to make sure she was ok.  It was very emotional.  It was an awakening.  I found out in that moment what we all wonder about ourselves: would i be brave enough to make it?  YES!  would i sacrifice myself to save my child?  YES!  would i let myself sink?  NO! or would i refuse and climb back to the top? YES!!!   I know for certain now that I will not sink again.  I will climb to the top.  I will take care of my children.  I will fight for my life.

Do it now.  FIGHT!  Scratch, claw, thrash, whatever you have to do.  Get back to the top.  Do not let yourself sink.

Until the next time,

Jason